"People's complex attitudes toward money often defy economic theory." - Drazen Prelec, associate professor of marketing at the Sloan School of Management

    There was a time not so very long ago that I didn't pay much attention to where my money went. I always paid more than the minimum on my credit card, but I still wasn't making significant progress in debt reduction.

    For many people, it simply isn't enough to have a tactical plan to pay off debt. We know we should spend less than we earn, but as Drazen Prelec noted in the quote above, people have complex attitudes toward money. When emotion and logic are at odds, emotion usually wins.

    In retrospect, there are five phases I went through to change my relationship with money. Note that my process wasn't this linear. In fact it was quite messy, sometimes moving two steps forward and one step back.

    Riding the roller coaster

    Spending gave me a temporary high. New clothes made me feel new. I felt I deserved a pedicure and a massage. Picking up the tab for a friend made me feel great. I could justify almost any expenditure, any impulse buy, and all of it went on the credit card. It was like spending Monopoly money, until the end of the month when the credit card bill arrived. My stomach dropped as I looked at the balance, added the expenditures in my head, and realized that yes, it was correct. The bank didn't make a mistake. I bought that Stuff.

    I'd swear to myself to do better next month, and satisfied with that vague goal, put the whole thing out of my mind.

    Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

    Recognizing and accepting myself

    The thing of it was that I fully understood the implications of credit card debt. I saw how living paycheck-to-paycheck imprisoned me and limited my options. I was tired of feeling guilty after every purchase. I couldn't stand that I was unable to save for travel because that money needed to go toward debt （so I wasn't saving it all）.

    Logically, I got it. Emotionally, I felt a mess.

    I started thinking about why I felt the urge to spend. Was I bored? Restless? Anxious?

    When I was in college just a few years earlier, I was somewhat depressed. I'd been to too many funerals, I was in a bad relationship, and I'd gained weight. Shopping was a high. Shopping was a hobby and a way to reinvent myself （or so I felt）.

    But that was years ago. I was now in a wonderful relationship with my now-husband, and I had every reason in the world to be happy. If nothing else, I had the basics - food, shelter, and family. I started to focus on the positive things in my life, and I realized that I hadn't been paying attention to them before. So why was I stuck in a bad pattern if life was good? What was I trying to prove, and to whom?

    My self-perception was so off the mark that although I had lost the weight I'd gained and then some, I would regularly try on clothes that were two sizes too big, much to the bewilderment of the salesperson.

    I wasn't seeing myself as I was or as loved ones or even strangers saw me. I began to notice where I was being hard on myself, and I decided to try to be okay with where I was right now. Not a Calvin Klein dress from now, not five pounds from now, just now. Being a perfectionist was just too exhausting.

    Finding flow

    I was starting to see myself more clearly, but I wasn't sure where to go from there. I knew I was sick of the roller coaster, of too much Stuff cluttering my life, of paying for the past （plus interest）. But if I didn't want what the marketers told me I should want, then what?

    "I flipped through catalogs and wondered: What kind of dining set defines me as a person?" - Fight Club

    What made me happy? Seems like a simple question, but to find the real answer, you have to block out a barrage of ad campaigns, expectations from family members and peers, and the desire to keep up with the Joneses.

    My list of things that make me happy looks like this:

    · Cooking with my husband

    · Time spent with family and friends （playing games, telling stories, etc.）

    · Photography

    · Time spent outdoors - backpacking, kayaking, swimming

    · Yoga

    · Travel and new experiences （learning）

    When engaged in many of these activities, I find "flow," a term coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in the 1970s. Flow occurs when you are so engrossed in an activity that you forget about your worries and lose track of time. For example, normally my mom can't stay awake past 9 p.m., but when she is sewing, she can stay up until the wee hours of the morning.

    I didn't know about flow or Csikszentmihalyi at the time, but I think people are instinctively drawn to activities that get them in the zone. There are countless pastimes that could give someone flow - running, surfing, singing, playing piano, hiking, writing. According to Csikszentmihalyi, a life of many activities in flow is likely to be a life of great satisfaction.

    My goal was （and still is） to spend as much time as possible in activities that give me flow, especially the ones that don't require much money!

    First steps

    This introspection was all well and good and necessary, but the debt wasn't going to just disappear because I was feeling like Buddha on the Mountaintop now. I still had to take tactical steps to kill the debt, but those steps aren't anything you haven't heard before. To begin, I stopped accumulating Stuff and started to track my spending.

    I also purged relentlessly - but not all at once. Over the course of a year, I donated, consigned, or gave away Stuff about eight times, slowly weaning myself from things I never used, realizing it was okay to let go.

    I put off purchases and considered the reasons I wanted whatever it was that I wanted.

    · Was I trying to prove something?

    · Was there a real need?

    · How often would I use or wear it?

    · Did I already own something similar?

    Then I'd think about my goals. Did I want a new pair of shoes, or did I want that money to go toward a trip to Italy more? It's helpful to use visual reminders of your goals. Find images that represent your ambitions and keep them in your purse or wallet. A lifelong Italianophile, I kept a photo of Cinque Terre on my desktop.

    The visual reminders are helpful because you are more likely to make a lasting change if you focus on the positive benefit to the new course of action （extra money in my travel fund）, rather than focusing on what may seem to be a sacrifice （not buying the shoes I think I need this very moment or I'll just die）.

    If you still can't decide, write down the Very Important Thing, along with where you saw it and the price. Tell yourself you can always come back and purchase it later because you've written down all of the information. Give it a day （or three） and see how you feel.

    Many times, the intense desire to buy the Very Important Thing will dissipate. If not, maybe it's a worthwhile purchase. Only you can decide what is most meaningful to you.

    Freedom

    I still feel the urge to buy on impulse. Maybe it's on sale, maybe I think there won't be any later, or maybe I've just convinced myself that it's a super smart purchase. Awful, isn't it? After all of that work shouldn't I be free from mindless spending? Had I not changed at all?

    What changed was my self-awareness. Now I'm able to feel the craving, acknowledge that it's there, and let mindfulness intervene before I act. Therein lies the freedom. I am no longer reacting on impulse; I am mindfully choosing my actions. I choose yes or no based on my goals. That freedom is a better high than anything I could have bought in a store.

    What about you? If you struggle with mindless spending, do you know why? Have you overcome it （and if so, how）? Do you have activities that give you flow?

    J.D.'s note: I personally found this piece very powerful. I could identify with a lot of April's emotions and thought processes. "Being a perfectionist was just too exhausting," she writes, and I think that I could have written that myself!

    "人們對待金錢的複雜態度常常會令經濟理論落空。"-Drazen Prelec,斯隆管理學院營銷係的副教授如是說。

    不bu久jiu以yi前qian的de某mou個ge時shi候hou，我wo並bing沒mei怎zen麼me注zhu意yi錢qian花hua到dao哪na兒er去qu了le。那na時shi，我wo常chang常chang要yao在zai信xin用yong卡ka上shang還hai比bi最zui低di限xian額e還hai多duo的de款kuan，然ran而er我wo仍reng然ran沒mei有you在zai如ru何he減jian輕qing負fu債zhai這zhe個ge問wen題ti上shang取qu得de很hen大da的de進jin展zhan。

    對很多人來說，他們隻是沒有一個好的方法來償還債務。我們都知道花的錢不應該超過賺的錢
，但是就像Drazen Prelec指出的那樣。人們對於金錢的態度相當複雜。當情感和邏輯有差異的時候，情感部分往往會占上風。

    huixiangguoqu
，wozaizhuanbianzijihejinqianguanxizhefangmianzengjingjinglilewugejieduan。qingzhuyiwojinglidezhegeguochengbingfeinameqingchumingle，shishishang，zhegeguochengxiangdanghunluan，youshihouqianjinliangbu，youshihouyoutuihouyibu。

    過山車式的生活

    huaqiangeilewoduanzandexingfengan。xinyifuyehuirangwoganjiaoxinxian。woganjiaozijigaiquxiugejiao
，anmoanmo
，fangsongyixia。tipengyoufuzhangrangwoganjiaobangjile。wokeyiweiwojihusuoyoudexiaofei，baokuorenheyicichongdongxiaofeizhaodaozhengdangliyou，erzhexietongtongdoujizaiwodexinyongkashang。zhejiuxiangzaihualongduanzijinyiyang，zhidaoyuedixinyongkazhangdanlaidaodeshihou。wokanzhangdanjieyudeshihouxinligedengleyixia
，xinsuanleyixiawodehuafei，ranhouyishidao，zhegeshuequeshishiduide。yinxingmeiyounongcuo。woqueshimailenaxiedongxi。

    我對自己發誓下個月我會做好一點，並對這個模糊的目標感到滿意，接著就把它拋到九霄雲外去了。

    重複、重複
、重複。

    認識並且接受自己

    shishishi，wokaishiwanquanlejienaxiexinyongkazhaiwudehanyile。woqinyankanzhezijibeiyigegezhangdankunbang，budexuanze。woduizijimeicimaidongxihoudenazhongkuijiugangandaoyanjuanle。wowufarenshouzijimeifaweilvxingfeiyongcundaozugoudeqian
，yinweinaxieqiandouhuibianchengzhaiwu（因此我根本就不存錢。）

    從邏輯上看，我達到了目的。但從感情上講
，我覺得一團糟。

    我開始思考自己總想花錢的真正原因。無聊
？無休止
？還是焦慮
？

    qianjinianhaizaidaxuedeshihou，wobuzhizenmedejiaodehenjusang。wocanjialetaiduozangli，lianaiyetandehenzaogao
，lingwaiwohaizaichangpang。gouwushigerangrenxingfendeshiqing，xuepinshiyizhongshihao
，tongshiyeshicongxingaizaozijideyizhongfangshi（或者我是這麼覺得的）.

    不過那已經是好幾年前的事了，如今我和現在的丈夫特別恩愛，我理應感到幸福。如果不算其他的，我也有最基本的-食物
、住zhu處chu和he家jia庭ting。我wo開kai始shi專zhuan注zhu在zai生sheng活huo中zhong積ji極ji的de那na些xie事shi情qing上shang，我wo也ye意yi識shi到dao
，從cong前qian我wo並bing沒mei有you怎zen麼me注zhu意yi這zhe些xie事shi情qing。既ji然ran我wo的de生sheng活huo如ru此ci美mei好hao
，為wei什shen麼me我wo還hai陷xian在zai這zhe種zhong糟zao糕gao的de模mo式shi裏li出chu不bu來lai呢ne？我wo是shi想xiang證zheng明ming什shen麼me嗎ma？給gei誰shui證zheng明ming呢ne？

    雖sui然ran我wo已yi經jing減jian了le重zhong，可ke是shi我wo的de自zi我wo感gan受shou還hai是shi那na麼me不bu對dui勁jin兒er。有you時shi候hou，我wo還hai定ding期qi穿chuan些xie比bi我wo的de身shen材cai大da兩liang個ge尺chi碼ma的de衣yi服fu，這zhe一yi點dian讓rang賣mai衣yi服fu的de人ren也ye摸mo不bu著zhe頭tou腦nao。

    我並沒有像從前一樣看待自己
，或者我並沒有把自己看作別人喜歡的人，甚至沒有像陌生人看我一樣看待自己。我開始注意到：我在什麼地方對自己很苛刻。因此我下定決心試著去適應我現在的樣子。不再是穿上Calvin klein之後怎麼樣，也不是花五英鎊以後怎麼樣，而是就在現在。完美主義太折磨人了。

    尋找流動中的自我

    我開始更清楚地看自己了
，不過我還不確定從那兒要去哪裏。我知道我已經受夠了過山車式的生活；受夠了各種物品塞滿我的生活；也受夠了為自己過去的所作所為支付賬單（還有利息）.不過，如果我不想要營銷人員告訴我什麼才是我應該得到的話，那我該怎麼辦呢？

    我在目錄之間跳轉查閱
，心想
，吃什麼才能讓我感覺像個人呢？--Fight Club

    什麼能讓我感到快樂？聽起來似乎是個很簡單的問題，不過要找到真正的答案
，你就必須躲開廣告的狂轟亂炸；放下家人和同伴對你的期待；以及總想和鄰居比個高下的心理。

    讓我感到快樂的事好像有這幾個：

    1. 和老公一起做飯

    2. 和朋友、家人在一起（玩遊戲，講故事等等。）

    3. 拍照

    4. 戶外活動-背包旅行、皮劃艇、遊泳

    5. 做瑜伽

    6. 旅行、經曆不同體驗（學習）

    當我參與很多這樣那樣的活動的時候，我發現了流動的自己。"流動"一詞是由心理學家Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi在上世紀七十年代發明的。當你聚精會神地投入到一項活動中的時候，你忘記了煩惱，忘記了時間
，這個時候"流動的你"就出現了。打個比方，通常我媽過了晚上九點就昏昏欲睡了
，可當她做針線活的時候，她可以一直做到淩晨幾點。

    我那時並不知道流動這個詞
，也不知道Csikszentmihalyi,但我想人們都本能地被他們感興趣的活動所吸引。生活中有無數數不清的娛樂可以看到流動-跑步、衝浪、唱歌、彈鋼琴、慢步、寫作。對於Csikszentmihalyi來說，一個有著許多流動著的活動的生活將是一個讓人擁有巨大滿足感的人生。

    我的目標（現在仍然是）是盡可能多的花時間參加讓我感到流動的活動，特別是那些不怎麼花錢的活動。

    邁出第一步

    自(zi)我(wo)反(fan)省(sheng)很(hen)好(hao)

，而(er)且(qie)也(ye)很(hen)必(bi)要(yao)，我(wo)自(zi)我(wo)感(gan)覺(jiao)像(xiang)是(shi)山(shan)頂(ding)上(shang)的(de)佛(fo)陀(tuo)
，但(dan)是(shi)債(zhai)務(wu)不(bu)會(hui)因(yin)此(ci)而(er)消(xiao)失(shi)。我(wo)仍(reng)然(ran)需(xu)要(yao)采(cai)取(qu)必(bi)要(yao)的(de)措(cuo)施(shi)來(lai)遏(e)製(zhi)債(zhai)務(wu)的(de)侵(qin)襲(xi)，隻(zhi)不(bu)過(guo)你(ni)可(ke)能(neng)從(cong)來(lai)沒(mei)聽(ting)說(shuo)過(guo)以(yi)下(xia)這(zhe)些(xie)步(bu)驟(zhou)。為(wei)了(le)邁(mai)出(chu)第(di)一(yi)步(bu)
，我(wo)停(ting)止(zhi)了(le)購(gou)物(wu)
，開(kai)始(shi)注(zhu)意(yi)我(wo)的(de)消(xiao)費(fei)情(qing)況(kuang)了(le)。

    我還開始毫不猶豫地清理掉我的東西，不過不是一次性。整整一年，我捐贈衣物、托人代售
、甚至把東西送給別人，送了八次。慢慢地
，我把自己從來不用東西都處理掉了
，我發覺送走這些物品之後感覺還不錯。

    我延遲了購物，開始考慮各種我為什麼想要這個東西的理由。

    1. 是想證明什麼嗎
？

    2. 真的需要嗎？

    3. 我多久會用一次，穿一次？

    4. 是否已經有了跟這個類似的物品了
？

    接下來我想了想自己的目標。我是否需要一雙新鞋，或者我更想存錢去意大利？讓你的目標看得見、摸mo得de著zhe，這zhe樣yang會hui更geng有you效xiao。找zhao找zhao代dai表biao你ni的de各ge種zhong理li想xiang目mu標biao的de圖tu片pian，把ba他ta們men放fang在zai錢qian包bao或huo者zhe手shou袋dai裏li。我wo是shi個ge意yi大da利li迷mi，我wo在zai桌zhuo麵mian上shang擺bai了le一yi張zhang五wu漁yu村cun的de照zhao片pian。

    看得見的東西很管用
，因為這樣你就更有可能實現一次持久的改變，前提是專注在新的行動上的積極因素（旅行經費裏多餘的款項）.而不是專注在可能看起來像是你做出了什麼重大犧牲的因素上（比如，這會兒不買這雙鞋的話，我就活不了了）.

    如(ru)果(guo)你(ni)還(hai)是(shi)沒(mei)法(fa)做(zuo)出(chu)決(jue)定(ding)的(de)話(hua)，請(qing)寫(xie)下(xia)最(zui)最(zui)緊(jin)要(yao)的(de)事(shi)，以(yi)及(ji)你(ni)在(zai)哪(na)兒(er)見(jian)到(dao)這(zhe)個(ge)東(dong)西(xi)的(de)，還(hai)有(you)它(ta)的(de)價(jia)格(ge)。告(gao)訴(su)自(zi)己(ji)你(ni)永(yong)遠(yuan)都(dou)可(ke)以(yi)回(hui)來(lai)，再(zai)買(mai)下(xia)它(ta)，因(yin)為(wei)你(ni)已(yi)經(jing)把(ba)所(suo)有(you)信(xin)息(xi)都(dou)寫(xie)下(xia)來(lai)了(le)。放(fang)上(shang)一(yi)天(tian)兩(liang)天(tian)，看(kan)看(kan)自(zi)己(ji)有(you)什(shen)麼(me)感(gan)覺(jiao)。

    henduoshihou，nagejiyuxiangmaimougehenzhongyaodedongxidexiangfajiuxiaoshile。ruguohaishibuxingdehua，kenengqueshinixuyaozhegedongxi。zhiyounizijicainengjuedingshenmedongxiduiniyouyong。

    自由度

    我wo仍reng然ran會hui有you衝chong動dong消xiao費fei的de欲yu望wang。或huo許xu商shang品pin正zheng在zai銷xiao售shou
，或huo許xu我wo認ren為wei再zai晚wan點dian就jiu沒mei有you了le，再zai或huo許xu我wo覺jiao得de買mai這zhe個ge東dong西xi很hen劃hua算suan。聽ting著zhe很hen糟zao糕gao，是shi吧ba？經jing過guo所suo有you這zhe些xie心xin理li活huo動dong之zhi後hou

，我wo難nan道dao還hai不bu擺bai脫tuo這zhe種zhong無wu意yi識shi消xiao費fei嗎ma？難nan道dao我wo還hai是shi沒mei什shen麼me改gai變bian嗎ma？

    改(gai)變(bian)的(de)是(shi)我(wo)的(de)自(zi)我(wo)意(yi)識(shi)。現(xian)在(zai)我(wo)能(neng)感(gan)覺(jiao)到(dao)那(na)個(ge)買(mai)東(dong)西(xi)的(de)渴(ke)望(wang)了(le)，也(ye)能(neng)認(ren)識(shi)到(dao)它(ta)就(jiu)在(zai)那(na)裏(li)
，我(wo)讓(rang)自(zi)我(wo)意(yi)識(shi)在(zai)我(wo)行(xing)動(dong)之(zhi)前(qian)作(zuo)出(chu)阻(zu)攔(lan)動(dong)作(zuo)。這(zhe)裏(li)麵(mian)就(jiu)是(shi)自(zi)由(you)之(zhi)所(suo)在(zai)。我(wo)不(bu)再(zai)對(dui)刺(ci)激(ji)條(tiao)件(jian)反(fan)射(she)了(le)；我有意識地選擇行動
；我根據自己的目標來選擇是或者不是。那份自由度比我在商店裏買到的任何東西都來得大些。

    那麼你呢
？如果你正在無意識消費的漩渦裏掙紮，你知道這其中的原因嗎？你克服它了嗎（如果你克服了，那麼你是如何克服的呢）?你有哪些讓你感到"流動"的活動呢？

    J.D.留言：我個人認為這篇文章非常非常好。我能跟April的很多情感和思考過程產生認同感。"完美主義者太折磨人了，"她是這樣寫的
，我希望寫這句話的人是我。