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For Chinese, dinner is an important way to get a sense of what a potential business partner is like outside the office and to build trust. A dinner shows people how important and valued they are, and that means a good restaurant with nice décor and great service -- meaning several servers hovering over the table at all times.
Americans often call such long affairs banquets, but to Chinese they're just what's expected. And they take time: A multi-course dinner can last three hours, and may be followed by karaoke or some other entertainment.
In the U.S. these meetings are much shorter and simpler, and dinner generally isn't involved -- it's more common to have meetings over breakfast, lunch or coffee.
Breakfast meetings are rare in China. It's not polite to ask Chinese to meet for breakfast.
Those long dinners are one reason that Chinese don't conduct business over breakfast -- between banquets and entertainment, many of them habitually stay up too late for early-morning meetings. It's not unusual for a businessman to dine out a few evenings a week, as well as on some weekends. The head of a large Chinese bank told me he has dinner at home only a handful of times a year.
That would be unthinkable for many Americans, who see dinner as family time. Mr. O'Brien says he avoids business dinners in the U.S. at all costs, and starts his days early so he can go home at a reasonable hour to see his two young children and help his wife cook dinner.
Switching to Chinese ways can be puzzling for Americans. When business consultant Joan Mancuso was working for a U.S.-based multinational company, some executives asked her why the Asian sales team's entertainment bills were much higher than the American team's. Ms. Mancuso, whose parents came from China and who's been conducting business there since 1991, had to explain the importance of business meals to Chinese.
While dinners are considered the best way to entertain and build trust, business lunches are common, too. But they're far more than just gathering over salad and sandwiches -- it's not unusual for business lunches to include a couple of cold dishes, four to five hot dishes and sometimes alcohol, meaning they often last more than two hours.
Does it make sense to spend all this time and money on meals? It doesn't really matter -- it's what's expected of you when you do business in China. There, a successful business career requires a lot of face-to-face social interactions, and families have to expect a businessperson to stay out late frequently.
That would be intolerable to many in the U.S., but in China it's not as big a problem. Unlike in the U.S., where a live-in nanny is a luxury for most people, it's common for a middle-class Chinese family to have one or more live-in nannies to help with childcare and housework. Some people ask their parents to live with them once they have children.
But that's not to say wives don't resent the situation. (I don't know enough Chinese businesswomen to understand what happens in their homes). My female friends sometimes complain that their husbands dine out late too often -- though it's also true that many of them expect their husbands to do so. There's a Chinese saying that husbands who go home early every day are losers, yet in Chinese soap operas, one of the first things an angry wife says to her businessman husband is always "You're never home."
It also means busy parents have little time to spend with their children. A friend of mine's brother and sister-in-law have to dine out a lot with clients, and so are rarely home for dinner with their only son. They hire tutors to check his homework, have a nanny, and one of the child's grandfathers lives with them. My friend, who's been living in the U.S. for more than a decade and is a mom herself, was shocked how little time her brother and sister-in-law get to spend with their son. But given the evening demands of business life in China, she knows, there's not a lot they can do about it.
While Americans prefer to dine with their own families, sometimes the need for face time takes first priority. When I was covering telecommunications for the Journal, I'd go to industry trade shows and conferences, which were always crammed with meetings. Some days I went to two breakfasts, two lunches, many coffees, at least one dinner, a couple of meetings for drinks, and a few parties. And many people had much busier schedules than me. It was all about face-to-face meetings, and there wasn't time to sleep. Of course, after so much coffee during the day, it was impossible to sleep anyway.
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紐niu約yue的de一yi位wei中zhong國guo朋peng友you剛gang開kai始shi工gong作zuo不bu久jiu便bian約yue一yi位wei基ji金jin經jing理li見jian麵mian吃chi晚wan飯fan。約yue了le幾ji次ci終zhong於yu成cheng功gong，但dan一yi吃chi完wan飯fan，基ji金jin經jing理li就jiu迫po不bu及ji待dai地di給gei丈zhang夫fu打da電dian話hua：“我這邊完事了。很快到家。”搞得朋友內疚不已。
朋友犯了一個忌諱：在(zai)美(mei)國(guo)，至(zhi)少(shao)在(zai)紐(niu)約(yue)，一(yi)般(ban)情(qing)況(kuang)下(xia)，你(ni)不(bu)約(yue)一(yi)對(dui)一(yi)的(de)工(gong)作(zuo)晚(wan)餐(can)，更(geng)不(bu)用(yong)提(ti)是(shi)第(di)一(yi)次(ci)見(jian)麵(mian)。這(zhe)和(he)中(zhong)國(guo)簡(jian)直(zhi)有(you)天(tian)壤(rang)之(zhi)別(bie)。中(zhong)國(guo)的(de)商(shang)務(wu)會(hui)麵(mian)，尤(you)其(qi)是(shi)第(di)一(yi)次(ci)，多(duo)是(shi)在(zai)晚(wan)餐(can)桌(zhuo)上(shang)進(jin)行(xing)的(de)。當(dang)我(wo)們(men)輕(qing)描(miao)淡(dan)寫(xie)地(di)說(shuo)“什麼時候一起吃個飯”時，大家都心知肚明多是指持續兩三個小時的晚飯。但美國人客氣地說“什麼時候大家聚一下”時，多是指一起喝個咖啡，下班後喝一杯酒，吃個一小時左右的早餐或午餐。
在(zai)中(zhong)國(guo)約(yue)人(ren)吃(chi)商(shang)務(wu)早(zao)餐(can)會(hui)被(bei)認(ren)為(wei)不(bu)禮(li)貌(mao)甚(shen)至(zhi)不(bu)給(gei)麵(mian)子(zi)，因(yin)為(wei)很(hen)少(shao)有(you)中(zhong)國(guo)人(ren)願(yuan)意(yi)一(yi)大(da)早(zao)起(qi)來(lai)做(zuo)這(zhe)件(jian)事(shi)。然(ran)而(er)在(zai)紐(niu)約(yue)，早(zao)晨(chen)七(qi)八(ba)點(dian)鍾(zhong)趕(gan)到(dao)一(yi)個(ge)地(di)方(fang)和(he)某(mou)大(da)公(gong)司(si)高(gao)管(guan)吃(chi)早(zao)餐(can)是(shi)再(zai)正(zheng)常(chang)不(bu)過(guo)的(de)事(shi)了(le)。大(da)家(jia)隨(sui)便(bian)點(dian)些(xie)東(dong)西(xi)，極(ji)為(wei)簡(jian)短(duan)地(di)寒(han)喧(xuan)後(hou)便(bian)直(zhi)奔(ben)主(zhu)題(ti)，談(tan)完(wan)事(shi)起(qi)身(shen)就(jiu)走(zou)也(ye)無(wu)任(ren)何(he)不(bu)妥(tuo)。甚(shen)至(zhi)可(ke)以(yi)在(zai)就(jiu)座(zuo)前(qian)告(gao)訴(su)對(dui)方(fang)自(zi)己(ji)隻(zhi)有(you)半(ban)小(xiao)時(shi)或(huo)一(yi)小(xiao)時(shi)時(shi)間(jian)。你(ni)做(zuo)出(chu)努(nu)力(li)來(lai)見(jian)麵(mian)本(ben)身(shen)就(jiu)是(shi)有(you)誠(cheng)意(yi)的(de)表(biao)現(xian)，剩(sheng)下(xia)有(you)什(shen)麼(me)需(xu)要(yao)談(tan)的(de)可(ke)以(yi)通(tong)過(guo)電(dian)話(hua)或(huo)安(an)排(pai)其(qi)他(ta)方(fang)式(shi)溝(gou)通(tong)。
我(wo)寫(xie)過(guo)實(shi)力(li)午(wu)餐(can)，也(ye)就(jiu)是(shi)有(you)權(quan)有(you)勢(shi)的(de)人(ren)每(mei)天(tian)到(dao)固(gu)定(ding)的(de)幾(ji)家(jia)高(gao)級(ji)餐(can)廳(ting)吃(chi)中(zhong)飯(fan)，主(zhu)要(yao)是(shi)為(wei)了(le)和(he)他(ta)們(men)一(yi)個(ge)重(zhong)量(liang)級(ji)的(de)人(ren)談(tan)工(gong)作(zuo)和(he)拉(la)關(guan)係(xi)。其(qi)實(shi)無(wu)論(lun)有(you)無(wu)權(quan)勢(shi)，午(wu)餐(can)是(shi)這(zhe)裏(li)最(zui)盛(sheng)行(xing)的(de)商(shang)務(wu)餐(can)形(xing)式(shi)。如(ru)果(guo)你(ni)到(dao)金(jin)融(rong)機(ji)構(gou)聚(ju)集(ji)的(de)華(hua)爾(er)街(jie)和(he)曼(man)哈(ha)頓(dun)中(zhong)城(cheng)看(kan)一(yi)下(xia)就(jiu)知(zhi)道(dao)，寫(xie)字(zi)樓(lou)裏(li)和(he)周(zhou)圍(wei)的(de)餐(can)館(guan)都(dou)是(shi)做(zuo)午(wu)餐(can)生(sheng)意(yi)的(de)。你(ni)可(ke)以(yi)通(tong)過(guo)午(wu)餐(can)和(he)同(tong)事(shi)交(jiao)換(huan)公(gong)司(si)裏(li)的(de)小(xiao)道(dao)消(xiao)息(xi)，和(he)上(shang)司(si)談(tan)工(gong)作(zuo)計(ji)劃(hua)，和(he)客(ke)戶(hu)談(tan)生(sheng)意(yi)。餐(can)館(guan)菜(cai)做(zuo)得(de)好(hao)壞(huai)不(bu)是(shi)最(zui)重(zhong)要(yao)的(de)，反(fan)正(zheng)大(da)家(jia)多(duo)是(shi)點(dian)一(yi)盤(pan)沙(sha)拉(la)或(huo)一(yi)個(ge)三(san)明(ming)治(zhi)，談(tan)得(de)投(tou)機(ji)可(ke)以(yi)喝(he)咖(ka)啡(fei)。即(ji)便(bian)是(shi)吃(chi)中(zhong)餐(can)，也(ye)多(duo)是(shi)自(zi)己(ji)叫(jiao)自(zi)己(ji)的(de)，不(bu)會(hui)叫(jiao)很(hen)多(duo)道(dao)菜(cai)吃(chi)兩(liang)三(san)個(ge)小(xiao)時(shi)。
wancanshizuiweimiaode。wodejingyanshimeiguorenhenshaochiyiduiyidegongzuowancan，tebieshizaishuangfangbushudeqingkuangxia。yifangmian，tamenxiguanyubagongzuohegerenshenghuofenkai，xiabanhoushizijideshijian，ruguobaitiankeyijiejuedeshiqing，juebuyuanyiliudaowancan。lingyifangmian，meiguorenjiatingguannianzhong，jiehunderenxiabanhuijiapeijialirenshitoudengyaoshi，bushifeiqubukedeshejiaohuodongkeyilizhiqizhuangdishuobu，meiyourenhuijianguai。ruguonijielehunyoulehaiziquechangcanjiawanshangdejitihuodongfanerhuiyoudianguai。zhishaowoshizhemerenweide。
longtonglaishuo，gongzuowancanduoshaodaidianshejiaoyiwei，suoyitongchangshijitihuodong，keyishilianggegongsiweiqingzhuqiandinghetong，yekeyishihuansongyiweitongshilikaigongsi。erqiewancanhaifenzuoxialaidezhengshiwancan、自助餐和其他更簡單的形式。如果要求正式著裝，一定要遵守，不然是對主辦人的不尊重。
我認為，其實中美商界對商務餐態度最重要的差別在於：在(zai)美(mei)國(guo)，商(shang)務(wu)餐(can)是(shi)正(zheng)式(shi)見(jian)麵(mian)的(de)延(yan)續(xu)，可(ke)能(neng)會(hui)對(dui)增(zeng)進(jin)了(le)解(jie)和(he)信(xin)任(ren)起(qi)一(yi)定(ding)作(zuo)用(yong)，但(dan)絕(jue)不(bu)是(shi)必(bi)須(xu)的(de)。而(er)中(zhong)國(guo)人(ren)更(geng)看(kan)重(zhong)在(zai)辦(ban)公(gong)室(shi)以(yi)外(wai)見(jian)麵(mian)，因(yin)為(wei)這(zhe)樣(yang)可(ke)以(yi)對(dui)一(yi)個(ge)陌(mo)生(sheng)人(ren)有(you)更(geng)多(duo)的(de)認(ren)識(shi)。吃(chi)飯(fan)是(shi)個(ge)互(hu)相(xiang)琢(zhuo)磨(mo)的(de)過(guo)程(cheng)，也(ye)是(shi)互(hu)相(xiang)表(biao)達(da)誠(cheng)意(yi)的(de)一(yi)種(zhong)形(xing)式(shi)，所(suo)以(yi)在(zai)哪(na)家(jia)餐(can)館(guan)吃(chi)，花(hua)多(duo)少(shao)錢(qian)都(dou)會(hui)被(bei)放(fang)到(dao)放(fang)大(da)鏡(jing)下(xia)觀(guan)察(cha)。
