Some of the most deflating moments I've experienced in social situations are when people have told me I was being quiet. There I was, thinking I was doing fine with everyone, but nope, they actually saw me in an entirely different way.

    When you think about it, it's not the end of the world to be called quiet. It's not like people think you're a horrible person, just that they wished you showed what your personality was about and contributed to the conversation more. You could also be at peace with the fact that you're not a huge talker. Finally, among good friends, it's fine to sit back at times.

    Still, sometimes you want to make a good impression with everyone and seem like you're interested in the rest of the group. Especially when you've just met some new people, it's usually better to lean towards the outgoing end of the scale. Getting that 'quiet' label often works against those plans. Here are some simple strategies I came up with that help me be less quiet and come up with things to say:

    Tell yourself that you have to say something every so often

    When you don't speak up and chime into the conversation enough, you may be seen as quiet. One thing that works for me is to make an explicit rule in my head that I have to say something at least every few minutes, preferably more. If not, I know people may perceive me as quiet. It seems basic, but when I spell it out to myself like this, it forces me to continually try to add new points to the discussion. Before realizing this, I'd hang back and listen to everyone, and take everything in, but sometimes go ten minutes or more without uttering a word. Or I'd get lost in my head and get distracted by my own thoughts and daydreams. You can't do that. You have to talk more often than it feels like you do. Consciously knowing this helps you do it.

    When you're new to a group of people who all know each other, this rule especially applies. The onus is often on you to get yourself into their conversation. They may all be comfortable with each other, and benignly neglect to actively include you.

    Elaborate on the things you have to say

    If it's your turn to talk, instead of saying "Fine" or "Good" or "Yeah", flesh out your answer. Give your opinion. Go into detail about you did on the weekend. Say more about the TV show you just mentioned. Without rambling on, try to stretch out your turn to speak. Sometimes when I catch myself not knowing what to say, I'll realize I can just go into more detail about the material I already put out there. If you really want to get fancy, see how entertaining or intriguing you can make your expanded statements.

    Don't filter yourself too much when trying to think of something to say

    Often when I feel like I can't think of anything to say, there are actually lots of potential conversation topics passing through my mind. But instead of going with them, I nix them for one reason or another; "No, I can't say that. It's too boring.", "No, that's too out of the blue.", "Oh, I'm kind of nervous saying that, though I couldn't tell you why." Instead of censoring yourself too much, just spit out some of the ideas passing through your mind.

    Don't fret too much about saying generic things

    I've read a lot of advice telling me not to bore people with cliched, unoriginal conversation topics. This has sunk in so much that sometimes I'll find myself paralyzed in social situations. I'll meet someone new and not say anything to them because I think it's a huge faux pas to ask them something uninspired, like where they work.

    Just say this stuff anyways. Something is better than nothing. Often, dull questions like, "What do you do for fun?", or "Seen any good movies lately?" get the ball rolling. Soon enough you're talking about something more interesting. They can be a necessary evil, a reliable, if tiresome, fallback. When people ask me questions I've heard to answer a million times before, I'm not always crazy about it, but don't hold it against them either. Ideally you can avoid boring topics, but if you can't think of anything else to say, then go with them as opposed to be quiet.

    Pay attention and keep up with the conversation going on around you

    Put this one under "Basic concepts I used to not always follow." It's always easier to come up with things to say when you really follow along with what everyone else is saying. It's much more likely that something relevant you can add will pop into your head. Before I was a lot more likely to zone out and disappear into my head. Conversations can also be a bit annoying to follow at times, like if everyone is talking at once, or if the environment is loud. Sometimes it feels easier to give up and not devote your full attention to it. I find it's usually worth the effort to keep engaged. It's also something you can get used to if you initially find it difficult.

    Learn the unwritten rules of loud, lively conversations

    I have an easier time holding my own in smaller, orderly groups. When you add more people to the mix, and everyone starts talking at once, I have a harder time putting in my two cents. A lot of people probably experience the same thing. If you haven't seen it already, I wrote another article about just this topic:

    Take the lead in the conversation if it's not going your way

    Often I'll be quiet because the people I'm with are discussing something where I have zero to add, usually because I know nothing about the topic. If that goes on too long, then I'm suddenly the quiet one. If the conversation isn't going your way, try to take the lead and switch it to an area where you'll naturally have more to talk about.

    More generally, if the other people are talking among themselves, and aren't making an effort in include you, you should take the initiative and try to work your way in there. There's no rule that says you politely have to wait for someone to directly address you and ask your opinion on something.

    Sometimes you just can't come up with something to say

    These tips continue to help me, but at times my mind draws a blank. When you can't think of something to say, it's often due to shyness and inhibition interfering with your ability to think freely, and reducing these feelings is easier said than done. You can't just logically reason anxious feelings away. Sometimes the shy feelings are temporary and you can ride them out. At other times you feel shy all night and that outing is a write off.

    The other usual explanation is when you honestly have nothing to contribute to the conversation （e.g., everyone is talking about old friends they have in common）, and it's not appropriate to try and suddenly change it. But here everyone should at least understand that you can't be expected to be too chatty. Try to say something though when the topic changes.

    If you do come off as quiet, do better next time

    It's not unusual for someone to be a little tongue-tied around a new group of people. If you do better next time, then people will often forget their first impression of you. They'll realize you aren't a snob after all, or that you aren't meek and boring, and that you're actually a pretty interesting person to have around.

    我(wo)經(jing)曆(li)的(de)一(yi)些(xie)備(bei)受(shou)打(da)擊(ji)的(de)時(shi)刻(ke)，是(shi)在(zai)某(mou)些(xie)社(she)交(jiao)情(qing)境(jing)中(zhong)
，別(bie)人(ren)對(dui)我(wo)說(shuo)我(wo)怎(zen)麼(me)一(yi)直(zhi)都(dou)這(zhe)麼(me)沉(chen)悶(men)。本(ben)來(lai)我(wo)待(dai)在(zai)那(na)裏(li)，自(zi)我(wo)感(gan)覺(jiao)和(he)每(mei)個(ge)人(ren)都(dou)處(chu)得(de)挺(ting)好(hao)。可(ke)是(shi)，他(ta)們(men)卻(que)從(cong)一(yi)個(ge)完(wan)全(quan)不(bu)同(tong)的(de)角(jiao)度(du)看(kan)待(dai)我(wo)。

    仔細想想，被當成"沉默的人"其(qi)實(shi)也(ye)不(bu)是(shi)世(shi)界(jie)末(mo)日(ri)。這(zhe)不(bu)像(xiang)人(ren)們(men)認(ren)為(wei)你(ni)是(shi)可(ke)怕(pa)的(de)人(ren)，這(zhe)隻(zhi)是(shi)意(yi)味(wei)著(zhe)他(ta)們(men)希(xi)望(wang)你(ni)能(neng)主(zhu)動(dong)展(zhan)現(xian)你(ni)的(de)個(ge)性(xing)
，更(geng)多(duo)地(di)參(can)與(yu)討(tao)論(lun)。你(ni)也(ye)可(ke)以(yi)心(xin)平(ping)氣(qi)和(he)地(di)接(jie)受(shou)你(ni)並(bing)不(bu)健(jian)談(tan)這(zhe)一(yi)事(shi)實(shi)。說(shuo)到(dao)頭(tou)
，在(zai)朋(peng)友(you)當(dang)中(zhong)靜(jing)靜(jing)聆(ling)聽(ting)有(you)時(shi)也(ye)是(shi)很(hen)好(hao)的(de)。

    然而，有時你想給他人留下好印象
，或者想要表現你對團體中其他成員的興趣。尤其當你剛剛認識一些人時，通常是將天平傾向"外向"的一端更好。被貼上"沉悶"的標簽對此有害無益。而以下是我自個想出來的一些簡單的對策
，它們幫助我不再沉默寡言，能夠想出可說的話來。

    提醒自己必須不時說些什麼

    當你不大膽說話
、積ji極ji參can與yu到dao談tan話hua中zhong，你ni就jiu可ke能neng被bei看kan作zuo是shi沉chen默mo的de人ren。對dui我wo挺ting有you效xiao的de一yi條tiao是shi
，在zai腦nao子zi裏li樹shu立li一yi個ge明ming晰xi的de條tiao例li
，規gui定ding我wo必bi須xu至zhi少shao每mei隔ge幾ji分fen鍾zhong說shuo幾ji句ju話hua
，或huo者zhe更geng多duo。如ru果guo沒mei做zuo到dao，我wo明ming白bai人ren們men就jiu會hui覺jiao得de我wo沉chen悶men。這zhe看kan起qi來lai很hen初chu級ji，但dan當dang我wo親qin口kou對dui自zi己ji這zhe樣yang說shuo，就jiu能neng迫po使shi我wo自zi己ji不bu斷duan地di嚐chang試shi為wei當dang前qian的de討tao論lun加jia點dian料liao。在zai認ren識shi到dao這zhe一yi點dian之zhi前qian，我wo畏wei縮suo不bu前qian，傾qing聽ting每mei個ge人ren的de高gao談tan闊kuo論lun，接jie納na他ta們men所suo說shuo的de一yi切qie，有you時shi連lian續xu十shi分fen鍾zhong（甚至更久）一yi言yan不bu發fa。或huo者zhe
，我wo在zai自zi己ji的de腦nao海hai裏li迷mi了le路lu
，被bei我wo自zi己ji的de思si緒xu和he浮fu想xiang攪jiao得de心xin神shen不bu寧ning。你ni不bu能neng那na樣yang。你ni要yao更geng頻pin繁fan地di開kai口kou
，而er不bu是shi在zai思si緒xu翩pian翩pian中zhong自zi我wo感gan覺jiao良liang好hao。有you意yi識shi地di明ming確que這zhe一yi點dian能neng幫bang助zhu你ni開kai口kou。

    當dang你ni走zou近jin彼bi此ci都dou已yi相xiang識shi的de一yi群qun人ren時shi，這zhe條tiao規gui律lv尤you其qi適shi用yong。因yin為wei，參can加jia他ta們men談tan話hua的de義yi務wu通tong常chang在zai你ni。他ta們men可ke能neng相xiang處chu融rong洽qia，互hu感gan親qin切qie而er忘wang記ji了le對dui方fang的de存cun在zai，同tong時shi卻que也ye忽hu視shi了le你ni。

    詳細展開你要說的東西

    如果輪到你開口了，不是要你說"好"或"對"或"是的",給gei點dian有you血xue有you肉rou的de答da案an。說shuo說shuo你ni的de看kan法fa。詳xiang述shu你ni上shang個ge周zhou末mo的de壯zhuang舉ju。詳xiang細xi點dian說shuo說shuo你ni剛gang才cai提ti到dao的de電dian視shi節jie目mu。不bu要yao東dong拉la西xi扯che，直zhi截jie了le當dang地di抓zhua住zhu你ni的de說shuo話hua機ji會hui。有you時shi當dang我wo發fa現xian自zi己ji不bu知zhi道dao說shuo什shen麼me好hao了le
，我wo意yi識shi到dao我wo可ke以yi再zai詳xiang細xi說shuo說shuo剛gang才cai我wo已yi經jing說shuo到dao過guo的de素su材cai。如ru果guo你ni真zhen心xin想xiang要yao來lai點dian新xin奇qi的de，試shi試shi看kan你ni能neng把ba你ni擴kuo展zhan開kai的de陳chen述shu表biao達da得de多duo麼me引yin人ren入ru勝sheng。

    構思說話內容時，不要過度地自我審查

    tongchangqingkuangxia，dangwojiaodewoshizaixiangbuchuyoushenmekeshuo，qishihaishiyouhenduoqianzaidehuaticongwonaohaizhongchuanguo。danshi
，wobingweikaikou，wochuyuzheyanghuonayangdeyuanyinbatameneshale，"不，我不能說這個。它太無聊了。""不行，那太聳人聽聞。","哦，說這個我會有點緊張
，不知道是為什麼。"這樣自我審查就太苛刻了，還是把你腦子裏一閃而過的想法一吐為快吧。

    不必擔心自己的話語平淡無奇

    我wo曾zeng經jing讀du過guo很hen多duo建jian議yi，它ta們men告gao訴su我wo，不bu要yao拿na味wei如ru雞ji肋lei

，陳chen詞ci濫lan調tiao的de話hua題ti來lai讓rang人ren覺jiao得de無wu聊liao。這zhe個ge說shuo法fa滲shen入ru我wo內nei心xin之zhi深shen，以yi至zhi於yu有you時shi我wo發fa現xian自zi己ji在zai社she交jiao場chang合he形xing同tong癱tan瘓huan。我wo會hui新xin認ren識shi一yi些xie人ren

，卻que不bu打da算suan和he他ta們men說shuo點dian什shen麼me。因yin為wei我wo認ren為wei，如ru果guo我wo說shuo了le什shen麼me讓rang他ta們men覺jiao得de毫hao無wu觸chu動dong的de東dong西xi，就jiu是shi巨ju大da的de失shi禮li，例li如ru
，詢xun問wen他ta們men在zai哪na裏li工gong作zuo。

    就在一般意義上說說這件事吧。有，總是聊勝於無。通常，愚蠢的問題，如"你喜歡做什麼？",或"最近看過什麼好電影？"就jiu能neng引yin起qi話hua題ti。很hen快kuai你ni們men就jiu會hui轉zhuan而er談tan論lun一yi些xie更geng有you趣qu的de東dong西xi了le。愚yu蠢chun的de話hua題ti不bu好hao，卻que又you缺que之zhi不bu可ke，就jiu算suan很hen無wu聊liao，也ye是shi一yi種zhong穩wen定ding可ke靠kao的de後hou備bei方fang案an。當dang人ren們men問wen一yi個ge我wo已yi經jing答da了le一yi百bai萬wan次ci的de問wen題ti，我wo未wei必bi不bu覺jiao得de要yao發fa瘋feng，但dan是shi我wo也ye不bu會hui怪guai罪zui他ta們men。在zai理li想xiang的de情qing況kuang下xia，你ni可ke以yi避bi免mian涉she及ji無wu聊liao的de話hua題ti，但dan是shi如ru果guo你ni想xiang不bu出chu什shen麼me別bie的de話hua來lai，那na就jiu用yong它ta們men吧ba，以yi免mian冷leng場chang。

    留神並跟上你周圍的談話

    請將這一條放在"基本法則，但我並未時刻遵循"demingmuxia。dangnibawolebierensuoshuodemeijuhuashi，xiangchuyixiekeyishuodehuatongchangjiujiandanduole。zheshijiufangfoyouyixieqietidehuayuzainidenaozilizidongdanchu。zhiqian，wogengqingxiangyuzoushen

，bingzuizhongmishizaiwodenaohaili。ergenshangbierendetanhuayoushiyeyoudianmafan

，rusuoyourentongshizaishuohua
，huozhehuanjingshengtaicaoza。zheshirangrenjiaode
，yuqitouruchongfendejinglilaizhuyita
，fangqishigengrongyide。ranerwofaxianshizhonggenshangtanhuashizhidede。zheyeshininengxiguandeyidian
，jiusuannikaishijiaodehennan。

    學習大聲地、有生氣地談話的不成文法則

    我在小規模、zhongguizhongjudetuantiligengjiaodezizai。danggengduoderenjiarujinlai
，qizuibashedijiaotan，wolikejiujiaodenanyichazui。kenengyouhenduorenzaijinglizhetongyangdeshiqing。ruguonihaimeikanguo，woqishixielepianzhuantitaolunzhegehuatidewenzhang：怎樣在吵鬧，瘋狂的集體談話中做得更好。

    控製談話的方向
，如果它偏離了你的軌道

    經(jing)常(chang)，我(wo)保(bao)持(chi)沉(chen)默(mo)是(shi)因(yin)為(wei)同(tong)處(chu)的(de)人(ren)們(men)正(zheng)在(zai)討(tao)論(lun)我(wo)覺(jiao)得(de)無(wu)話(hua)可(ke)說(shuo)的(de)東(dong)西(xi)，這(zhe)往(wang)往(wang)因(yin)為(wei)我(wo)對(dui)這(zhe)個(ge)話(hua)題(ti)一(yi)無(wu)所(suo)知(zhi)。如(ru)果(guo)這(zhe)持(chi)續(xu)得(de)太(tai)久(jiu)了(le)，我(wo)就(jiu)突(tu)兀(wu)地(di)成(cheng)了(le)沉(chen)悶(men)的(de)人(ren)。如(ru)果(guo)談(tan)話(hua)沒(mei)在(zai)你(ni)的(de)軌(gui)道(dao)上(shang)
，嚐(chang)試(shi)引(yin)導(dao)和(he)切(qie)換(huan)到(dao)一(yi)個(ge)領(ling)域(yu)
，你(ni)自(zi)然(ran)會(hui)有(you)更(geng)多(duo)的(de)話(hua)要(yao)說(shuo)。

    更(geng)一(yi)般(ban)地(di)
，如(ru)果(guo)其(qi)他(ta)人(ren)在(zai)彼(bi)此(ci)說(shuo)話(hua)，卻(que)不(bu)打(da)算(suan)把(ba)你(ni)包(bao)括(kuo)在(zai)內(nei)的(de)時(shi)候(hou)，你(ni)應(ying)該(gai)采(cai)取(qu)主(zhu)動(dong)，努(nu)力(li)把(ba)自(zi)己(ji)放(fang)進(jin)去(qu)。並(bing)沒(mei)有(you)規(gui)定(ding)說(shuo)，你(ni)必(bi)須(xu)禮(li)貌(mao)地(di)等(deng)待(dai)，直(zhi)到(dao)有(you)人(ren)來(lai)點(dian)你(ni)的(de)名(ming)問(wen)你(ni)對(dui)某(mou)事(shi)的(de)意(yi)見(jian)。

    有時
，你就是無話可說了

    zhexiexiaotieshiyizhizaibangzhuwo，raneryoushiwodedanaorengjiuhuiyipiankongbai。dangniwuhuakeshuo，tawangwangshiyouyuxiuseheyayiganganraoleniziyoudisikao
，erbimianzhexieqingganshishuoqilairongyizuoqilainan。niwufaguangkaoluojisikaolaiquantuijiaolvdeqingxu。youshizhezhonghaixiudeganjiaoshilinshide，nikeyiqusantamen。zaiqitashihou

，nixiusewuyutongxiaodadan，erjitijiaoyouzhuanshunjishi。

    其他常見的解釋是：你確確實實拿不出能為談話作出貢獻的東西（例如，大家夥在談論他們所共有的老朋友）,而(er)這(zhe)時(shi)試(shi)圖(tu)突(tu)然(ran)岔(cha)開(kai)話(hua)題(ti)又(you)是(shi)不(bu)合(he)適(shi)的(de)。可(ke)是(shi)在(zai)這(zhe)種(zhong)情(qing)況(kuang)下(xia)
，每(mei)一(yi)個(ge)人(ren)至(zhi)少(shao)都(dou)明(ming)白(bai)，不(bu)能(neng)期(qi)望(wang)你(ni)有(you)太(tai)多(duo)話(hua)可(ke)說(shuo)。所(suo)以(yi)，一(yi)旦(dan)話(hua)題(ti)變(bian)化(hua)，就(jiu)試(shi)著(zhe)說(shuo)些(xie)什(shen)麼(me)吧(ba)。

    如果你被人看作沉默的人
，下次做好些就行

    麵mian對dui一yi群qun新xin認ren識shi的de人ren顯xian得de被bei綁bang住zhu了le舌she頭tou，這zhe樣yang的de事shi並bing不bu少shao見jian。如ru果guo你ni下xia次ci做zuo得de更geng好hao些xie，那na麼me人ren們men通tong常chang會hui忘wang記ji對dui你ni的de第di一yi印yin象xiang。他ta們men會hui知zhi道dao你ni不bu是shi一yi個ge勢shi利li小xiao人ren，你ni也ye不bu是shi索suo然ran無wu味wei之zhi輩bei，事shi實shi上shang，身shen邊bian的de你ni真zhen的de是shi很hen有you趣qu的de一yi個ge人ren。