Do you dread networking events? Wonder about what to say? Do you find there is something uncomfortable or possibly distasteful about the seemingly compulsory exchange of business cards? If so then you probably value sincerity and professionalism. Too often networking is reduced to a numbers game of how many business cards you can pass out in an hour. If you are looking for a different approach, one more in alignment with your own professional values, then read on.

    The introvert advantage:

    Introverts have the advantage. You don't have to grandstand, shake fifty hands and talk about yourself. Instead, the name of the game is to develop new meaningful relationships. The best way to do that is to learn about what is really important to the people you are meeting and to discover ways that you can help. You are likely a much better listener than your extroverted colleague who can happily spend an entire evening talking your ear off about his latest pursuits.

    A word about helping:

    Help in this context isn't about selling your services. It is about finding ways that you can assist the people that you meet. Can you send them an article with useful information? Can you connect them with someone who can lend them a hand? Can you offer them a valuable recommendation?

    Ask don't tell:

    To learn about the people you are meeting and discover how you can be of assistance, ask a few well thought-out questions and listen to the answers. I call this the "ask don't tell" approach. How, what, where and why questions invite longer and more detailed answers. Prepare a few questions ahead of time. Here are some to try out:

    * What brings you to this event today?

    * What have you enjoyed most about the conference so far?

    * What's new and exciting with your business these days?

    * What do you enjoy most about your work?

    * What are the biggest challenges?

    Ask don't tell is a valuable approach not just for networking events but for your interactions with friends, colleagues, staff members, and clients, as well. If you don't like talking about yourself then instead become one of the best listeners around.

    ROAD Questions:

    To ask great questions focus on what's most important to people:

    * Relationships – What are the most important relationships in this person's life?

    * Occupation – What is their occupation? What do they like/dislike about it? What is most exciting about their work? What is most challenging?

    * Activities – What activities is the person involved in personally and professionally? What professional or community associations do they contribute to?

    * Drive – What motivates this person? What are their personal and professional goals?

    Active listening:

    Once you ask your question the next step is to listen. Don't make the mistake of thinking that listening is a passive activity. As long as you are asking questions and listening to the answers you are in control of the conversation and an active participant. Here are five quick active listening tips to let your conversation partner know that they have your full attention.

    1. Focus your gaze on the person speaking. There's nothing worse then having a conversation partner scan the room for better options!

    2. Nod your head from time to time.

    3. Paraphrase what you have just heard to indicate your understanding: "It sounds like staffing is the biggest challenge…"

    4. Ask additional questions to learn more about the others thoughts and ideas, clarify meaning, or to learn more:

    * "Please tell me more about…"

    * "What happened after…？"

    * "What do you think are your best options?"

    5. Read up on active listening skills. Here`s a link to a valuable short article on active listening: http://www.personadev.com/2008/02/09/10-tips-to-be-a-better-listener/ Or download the free seminar from the University of California on Empathic Listening Skills: http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/article40.htm

    Closing a conversation:

    A conversation may continue for as long as you like. Focus on meeting just a few people and engaging in some interesting dialogue. If you are most comfortable with one-on-one exchanges then start up discussions with the people who are on their own at an event.

    To end the conversation address the person by name, make reference to what you learned, and exchange business cards:

    "Eliza, I have really enjoyed speaking with you today. Thanks for telling me about your work at the bank. May I have your business card so that I can email you that article?"

    At networking events people are naturally going to circulate around the room. There is no need to give a reason for ending the discussion.

    Remember to be honest. If you end a conversation by saying you are going to get a drink or more food, then do so. Being caught in a lie in the first fifteen minutes of meeting someone doesn't make a great impression.

    Following up:

    Relationships develop over time. Finding the opening for meaningful follow-up is the crucial first step. The ask don't tell approach allows you to uncover meaningful reasons for staying in touch. Sometimes you will find the next step is simply to continue the conversation over lunch or coffee. Other times it is to send an email or to introduce the person to someone you know. Uncovering the follow-up allows you to continue building the relationship with people who you are interested in getting to know.

    Top ten tips for the introverts approach to networking:

    1. Prepare. Put your analytic skills to work, and take just a few minutes to prepare. Why are you attending the event? What goal/s do you have for the event? What are three good questions you can ask to get the conversation started? How would you answer those questions yourself? Practice your approach for ending a conversation and moving on.

    2. Check that you have your business cards with you.

    3. Arrive a few minutes late so that the event is already underway.

    4. Begin by scanning the room and getting a beverage to give you a chance to relax.

    5. If you don't know anyone at the event, find the wall flowers –- the people like you who are standing alone. Introduce yourself and ask one of your prepared questions.

    6. Listen about 80% of the time.

    7. Keep your attention on the person you are speaking with. If you want to scan the room for people you know then do so when you are between conversations.

    8. Focus on uncovering at least one meaningful follow-up opportunity.

    9. Don't be among the last to leave an event. Always leave a little early.

    10. Get organized. Take notes. Jot down important information about the person you have met on his/her business card and store the information in a contact management system.

    Remember:

    "The number one skill for success in the twenty first century is the ability to talk to other people. If we don't connect with others, there is really no next step: no referrals, no job offers, no promotions, no alliances. … The only goal of your initial interaction is to have the next interaction. Period."

    你害怕人際交往活動嗎
？不知道該說些什麼？你對"不得不"交(jiao)換(huan)名(ming)片(pian)不(bu)悅(yue)或(huo)可(ke)能(neng)有(you)些(xie)反(fan)感(gan)嗎(ma)？如(ru)果(guo)是(shi)這(zhe)樣(yang)，那(na)麼(me)你(ni)很(hen)可(ke)能(neng)特(te)別(bie)看(kan)重(zhong)誠(cheng)意(yi)和(he)專(zhuan)業(ye)精(jing)神(shen)。交(jiao)際(ji)網(wang)絡(luo)常(chang)常(chang)被(bei)簡(jian)化(hua)為(wei)一(yi)個(ge)小(xiao)時(shi)內(nei)交(jiao)換(huan)了(le)多(duo)少(shao)名(ming)片(pian)的(de)數(shu)字(zi)遊(you)戲(xi)。如(ru)果(guo)您(nin)正(zheng)在(zai)尋(xun)找(zhao)一(yi)種(zhong)截(jie)然(ran)不(bu)同(tong)的(de)
、更符合自己專業價值觀的方法，請你繼續閱讀。

    內向性格的優勢：

    性格內向的人有自身的優勢。你不必嘩眾取寵地表演

，不必跟人一握手就握50下(xia)也(ye)不(bu)必(bi)老(lao)談(tan)論(lun)自(zi)己(ji)。相(xiang)反(fan)
，交(jiao)往(wang)的(de)目(mu)的(de)在(zai)於(yu)發(fa)展(zhan)新(xin)的(de)有(you)意(yi)義(yi)的(de)關(guan)係(xi)。最(zui)好(hao)的(de)方(fang)式(shi)就(jiu)是(shi)了(le)解(jie)你(ni)麵(mian)對(dui)的(de)人(ren)真(zhen)正(zheng)看(kan)重(zhong)什(shen)麼(me)
，以(yi)及(ji)你(ni)怎(zen)樣(yang)可(ke)以(yi)有(you)所(suo)幫(bang)助(zhu)。您(nin)很(hen)可(ke)能(neng)是(shi)個(ge)好(hao)聽(ting)眾(zhong)
，而(er)你(ni)的(de)性(xing)格(ge)外(wai)向(xiang)的(de)同(tong)事(shi)可(ke)能(neng)一(yi)整(zheng)晚(wan)喋(die)喋(die)不(bu)休(xiu)地(di)談(tan)他(ta)的(de)新(xin)嗜(shi)好(hao)。

    有所幫助：

    這(zhe)種(zhong)情(qing)況(kuang)下(xia)幫(bang)助(zhu)並(bing)不(bu)是(shi)出(chu)售(shou)服(fu)務(wu)。而(er)是(shi)尋(xun)找(zhao)途(tu)徑(jing)，可(ke)以(yi)幫(bang)助(zhu)你(ni)麵(mian)對(dui)的(de)人(ren)。你(ni)能(neng)發(fa)給(gei)他(ta)們(men)含(han)有(you)有(you)用(yong)信(xin)息(xi)的(de)文(wen)章(zhang)嗎(ma)

？你(ni)能(neng)幫(bang)他(ta)們(men)聯(lian)係(xi)上(shang)可(ke)助(zhu)一(yi)臂(bi)之(zhi)力(li)的(de)人(ren)嗎(ma)？你(ni)能(neng)為(wei)他(ta)們(men)提(ti)供(gong)寶(bao)貴(gui)的(de)建(jian)議(yi)嗎(ma)？

    詢問而不是訴說：

    了解你麵對的人，看是否可以提供幫助

，提幾個深思熟慮的問題，然後傾聽回答。我把這個做法稱為"隻問不說".怎麼樣

，是什麼，在哪裏和為什麼這樣的問題會引出更長
、更詳細的答案。交流前先準備好幾個問題。下麵幾個問題可以試試：

    * 你為什麼會你參加這個活動呢？

    * 到目前為止這個會議你最喜歡的是什麼？

    * 你的工作最近有什麼新的和令人興奮的進展？

    * 你的工作你最喜歡的是什麼？

    * 最大的挑戰是什麼？

    '隻問不說'這(zhe)個(ge)有(you)益(yi)的(de)做(zuo)法(fa)不(bu)僅(jin)適(shi)用(yong)於(yu)具(ju)體(ti)的(de)交(jiao)際(ji)活(huo)動(dong)
，而(er)且(qie)也(ye)適(shi)用(yong)於(yu)與(yu)朋(peng)友(you)
，同(tong)事(shi)
，單(dan)位(wei)員(yuan)工(gong)和(he)客(ke)戶(hu)之(zhi)間(jian)的(de)日(ri)常(chang)交(jiao)流(liu)。如(ru)果(guo)你(ni)不(bu)喜(xi)歡(huan)談(tan)論(lun)自(zi)己(ji)

，那(na)就(jiu)不(bu)妨(fang)作(zuo)一(yi)個(ge)好(hao)聽(ting)眾(zhong)吧(ba)。

    提出恰當的問題（ROAD）:

    提的問題要集中在對該人最重要的問題上：

    * 關係（R elationships）--此人生命中最重要的關係是什麼？

    * 職業 （O ccupation） -- 他們是什麼職業
？他們的喜好是什麼
？麵臨的最大的挑戰是什麼？

    * 活動 （A ctivities） --此人在個人和職業方麵與該活動有什麼關係？他們分屬於什麼專業或社會團體？

    * 動機 （D rive） --此人的動機是什麼
？他們的個人和職業目標是什麼？

    積極傾聽：

    一yi旦dan你ni問wen完wan問wen題ti
，下xia一yi個ge步bu就jiu是shi傾qing聽ting。不bu要yao錯cuo誤wu地di認ren為wei傾qing聽ting隻zhi是shi被bei動dong的de活huo動dong。隻zhi要yao你ni提ti出chu問wen題ti和he傾qing聽ting回hui答da，你ni就jiu控kong製zhi著zhe談tan話hua，也ye在zai積ji極ji參can與yu。這zhe裏li有you五wu個ge可ke快kuai速su掌zhang握wo的de積ji極ji傾qing聽ting技ji巧qiao
，可ke以yi讓rang你ni的de對dui話hua夥huo伴ban知zhi道dao你ni正zheng全quan神shen貫guan注zhu。

    1. 眼神注視說話人。談話時沒有什麼比眼睛掃視別處尋找別的事情更糟糕的了！

    2. 常常點頭。

    3. 轉述一下你剛才聽到的以表明你理解了。如："聽起來人員配備是最大的挑戰… "

    4. 再問其他問題
，以進一步掌握別人的想法和意見，澄清話語含義，或要了解更多信息：

    * "請告訴我更多關於… "

    * "之後的情況怎麼樣… ? "

    * "你覺得是你的最佳選擇是什麼？ "

    5. 積極傾聽技巧深入閱讀。這是一個關於積極傾聽實用的短文鏈接： http://www.personadev.com/2008/02/09/10-tips-to-be-a-better-listener/ 或從美國加州大學免費下載移情聽力技巧講座： http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/article40.htm

    結束對話：

    隻(zhi)要(yao)你(ni)喜(xi)歡(huan)對(dui)話(hua)可(ke)能(neng)會(hui)繼(ji)續(xu)下(xia)去(qu)。重(zhong)點(dian)跟(gen)幾(ji)個(ge)人(ren)交(jiao)流(liu)
，談(tan)一(yi)些(xie)感(gan)興(xing)趣(qu)的(de)對(dui)話(hua)。如(ru)果(guo)你(ni)一(yi)對(dui)一(yi)交(jiao)流(liu)很(hen)愜(qie)意(yi)

，最(zui)好(hao)開(kai)始(shi)跟(gen)活(huo)動(dong)中(zhong)獨(du)處(chu)的(de)人(ren)展(zhan)開(kai)討(tao)論(lun)。

    結束談話時可以詢問對方的名字，提到談話帶給你的收獲，並交換名片：

    "伊yi麗li莎sha，我wo今jin天tian真zhen的de很hen享xiang受shou與yu您nin交jiao談tan。感gan謝xie您nin告gao訴su我wo您nin在zai銀yin行xing的de工gong作zuo情qing況kuang。可ke以yi給gei我wo您nin的de名ming片pian
，這zhe樣yang我wo可ke以yi把ba這zhe篇pian文wen章zhang發fa電dian子zi郵you件jian給gei您nin？ "

    交際活動中人們自然會在房間裏轉來轉去。結束討論時沒有必要解釋原因。

    記住要誠實。如果你要去取飲料或更多的食物而結束您的談話時

，就直接這樣說出來。與人談話時頭15分鍾就被人發現撒謊會給人留下不良印象。

    尋求下次行動：

    人際關係的發展需要時間。找到有意義的後續交流的契機是至關重要的第一步。'隻問不說'defangfakeyirangninfaxianyouyongdebaochilianxideliyou。youshihounihuifaxian，xiayibujiushizaiwucanhuohekafeishijixuhuati。youshihouzeshifasongdianziyoujianhuobacirenjieshaogeinirenshideren。xunqiuxiacijiaoliudejihuirangnikeyigenleyirenshiderenjixujiansheqilianxi。

    內向的人建立人際關係網絡的十大秘訣：

    1. 做(zuo)好(hao)準(zhun)備(bei)。花(hua)上(shang)幾(ji)分(fen)鍾(zhong)準(zhun)備(bei)，運(yun)用(yong)你(ni)的(de)分(fen)析(xi)能(neng)力(li)。你(ni)為(wei)什(shen)麼(me)要(yao)參(can)加(jia)該(gai)活(huo)動(dong)？你(ni)參(can)加(jia)這(zhe)次(ci)活(huo)動(dong)的(de)目(mu)的(de)是(shi)什(shen)麼(me)
？開(kai)始(shi)對(dui)話(hua)的(de)三(san)個(ge)好(hao)問(wen)題(ti)是(shi)什(shen)麼(me)


？你(ni)自(zi)己(ji)如(ru)何(he)回(hui)答(da)這(zhe)些(xie)問(wen)題(ti)？練(lian)習(xi)結(jie)束(shu)談(tan)話(hua)和(he)繼(ji)續(xu)下(xia)去(qu)的(de)方(fang)法(fa)。

    2. 檢查你是否帶了名片。

    3. 晚幾分鍾到
，確保活動已經開始。

    4. 首先，掃視室內，拿杯飲料，放鬆下來。

    5. 活動中如果你您不人士別人
，找跟你一樣單處的人。自我介紹，用準備好的一個問題提問。

    6. 用約80 %的時間傾聽。

    7. 關注與你談話的人。如果你要掃視屋裏您認識的人
，在交談間隙這樣做。

    8. 留意發現至少一個有意義的後續交流機會。

    9. 不要最後一個離開活動現場。離開總是有點早。

    10. 要有條理。做好筆記。在他的名片上記下此人重要信息並儲存在聯絡人管理係統中。

    請記住：

    "二十一世紀獲得成功的第一技能是與他人交流的能力。如果我們不與他人聯係，就真的無法走到下一步：沒有推薦

，沒有工作機會，沒有晉升
，沒有統一戰線……你首次與人交流唯一目的就是創造下一次交流機會……