Already spent your bailout money? Not to worry, the Grinder has Five Rules for living high on a low budget.

Most of the money-saving tips you read are pretty lame. You know, that Martha Stewart/Happy Homemaker "brush your teeth with baking soda" stuff. Do you really need someone to tell you that cooking at home is cheaper than going out, or that generics are cheaper than name brands? After exhaustively testing dozen of money-saving methods, including do-it-yourself dentistry and using an extension cord to steal electricity from the neighbors, the Grinder has come up with Five Rules you can really use.

#5 Stop Driving Like an Idiot

Flooring the gas pedal, braking hard and flooring it again through traffic is the driving style of a moron. It wastes gas, will wear out the vehicle sooner, and ends up costing you big bucks in speeding tickets and insurance premiums. Also, driving that way makes you look like a teenage, zit-faced douchebag who thinks that having a leadfoot makes him a big man. There is a time to drive fast, people, and it is not when anyone else can see you.

#4 Buy in Bulk

Sure, times are tight and it's hard to stockpile. If all your money is going to food, shelter and clothing, stocking up on cotton swabs just doesn't have much appeal. But buying in volume at club stores like Sam's and Costco will save you major bank, particularly if you only buy items you are absolutely sure to use. Avoid, for instance, the 50-gallon drum of Hot Tamales. You will only end up hating a candy you once loved. Toilet paper is a better choice. Barring a colostomy, as long as you draw breath upon the earth, there will never, ever be a time in your life when you will not need toilet paper; which is either scary or weirdly comforting, depending on your worldview. Granted, there is something awkward about approaching a checkout counter with, say, 2,000 rolls of toilet paper in tow. People might think you have a hideous bowel disease or perhaps a fiber fetish. Either that or they'll think you are planning a really awesome prank.

#3 Pay For Sex

As every man suspects in his dark little heart, getting sex from escorts is much cheaper in the long run than bars and dating. Also, with an escort, you are considerably more likely to have sex. Considerably. Sure, patronizing hookers can give you nasty diseases and leave you spiritually bereft, unable to truly connect with another human soul. So? These are tough times. Everyone has to make sacrifices. Yours might have to be intimacy.

#2 Sneak liquor into bars, concerts and night clubs

First, please note that sneaking booze into places that sell liquor is almost always illegal—a big liquor code violation. It is also vaguely immoral. If everyone did it, after all, the bars would go out of business. Also keep in mind that you might get busted; embarrassed in front of your friends, tossed out on your ass (literally), and possibly be roughed up by a steroid-addled bouncer with nothing better to do than take out his lifelong frustrations on your rib cage. That said, a $20 half-pint of vodka will get you just as buzzed as $100 worth of drinks at the bar.

#1 Don't Buy Crap

If you are a woman, and your home was not recently destroyed in a flood, fire or other natural disaster, there is at least one thing we can say about you, with no other knowledge of your life, and be sure that it is utterly and incontrovertibly true: You already have enough shoes. Don't buy more. Men can apply the previous statement to themselves. Just replace the word "shoes" with "hats."

你已經花費自己救急用的錢了嗎
？不要擔心，Grinder有教你五招如何低預算過高水準生活。

你讀過的大多數省錢竅門都站不住腳。你知道
，瑪莎·斯圖爾特/快樂家庭主婦推薦“用碳酸氫鈉刷牙”。但dan你ni真zhen的de需xu要yao有you人ren告gao訴su你ni，在zai家jia裏li做zuo飯fan比bi在zai飯fan店dian吃chi便bian宜yi嗎ma
，或huo告gao訴su你ni仿fang製zhi的de比bi知zhi名ming品pin牌pai便bian宜yi嗎ma
？經jing過guo詳xiang盡jin的de測ce試shi十shi幾ji種zhong省sheng錢qian的de方fang法fa，其qi中zhong包bao括kuoDIY牙科護理和使用延長電線從鄰居家偷電，Grinder推薦了五條您可以真正使用的規則。

＃ 5停止像白癡一樣駕駛

jiacheshicaiyoumen，yingshachehefanfucaiyoumenshidinengerdejiashifengge。zheyangzuojilangfeiqiyou，youjiakuaiqichemosun
，bingqiezuizhongnihuifuchugengduodechaosufadanhebaoxianfeiyong。ciwai
，zhezhongjiashifenggehuishinikanqilaixiangyigeruchouweigan、滿臉青春痘的傻逼
，這些人總以為開得快就牛逼。其實當沒人看到你的時候，你完全可以開快點。

＃ 4批量購物

當dang然ran，時shi間jian緊jin，很hen難nan儲chu存cun。如ru果guo你ni所suo有you的de錢qian都dou用yong來lai吃chi飯fan，付fu房fang費fei和he買mai衣yi物wu
，囤tun積ji棉mian花hua棒bang確que實shi沒mei有you太tai多duo的de吸xi引yin力li。但dan在zai俱ju樂le部bu商shang店dian成cheng批pi購gou物wu，比bi如ru山shan姆mu商shang店dian和heCostco，將會為你節省一大筆錢，特別是如果你購買的物品是你絕對要用的。例如避免批量購買50jialundereyumimianbaoxianjuan。nayangnizhihuitaoyannizengxihuandetangguo。weishengzhishiyigebijiaohaodexuanze。chujiechangzaokoushoushuzhiwai，zhiyaonizaishiyitian

，nijiuxuyaoweishengzhi。zhejilingrengandaokongbuyoulingrengandaoxinwei，zhequjueyunindeshijieguan。dangran，jiejinjiezhangguitaishiyehuipengdaogangadechangmian，yejiushishuo，yicichengpigoumai2000卷衛生紙。人們可能會認為你有一個可怕的腸道疾病或者纖維戀物癖。要麼或者他們會認為你是一個令人敬畏的惡作劇。

＃ 3花錢做愛

由you於yu每mei個ge男nan人ren都dou會hui懷huai疑yi自zi己ji邪xie惡e的de一yi麵mian，從cong長chang遠yuan來lai看kan，從cong臨lin時shi女nv友you身shen上shang得de到dao性xing愛ai比bi從cong酒jiu吧ba和he約yue會hui時shi得de到dao性xing愛ai要yao便bian宜yi的de多duo了le。此ci外wai，你ni和he臨lin時shi女nv友you當dang然ran更geng有you可ke能neng發fa生sheng性xing行xing為wei。相xiang當dang有you可ke能neng。的de確que，招zhao妓ji可ke能neng會hui讓rang你ni傳chuan染ran性xing病bing，並bing且qie你ni在zai精jing神shen上shang感gan到dao空kong虛xu
，更geng無wu法fa真zhen正zheng觸chu及ji另ling一yi個ge人ren的de靈ling魂hun。所suo以yi呢ne
？這zhe些xie都dou是shi艱jian難nan的de時shi刻ke。每mei個ge人ren不bu得de不bu作zuo出chu犧xi牲sheng。你ni的de臨lin時shi女nv友you可ke能neng不bu得de不bu要yao和he你ni發fa生sheng性xing行xing為wei。

＃ 2把酒偷偷地帶進酒吧、音樂會和夜總會

首先
，請注意，偷偷帶酒到賣酒的地方幾乎都是非法的——重大的酒法規違例。並且
，這也是不道德的。如果每個人都這樣做，畢竟，酒吧將會倒閉。同時請記住，您可能會被逮住；在你的朋友麵前出醜,摔爛你的屁股，並有可能被激素失調的保鏢粗暴對待
，並把他們一生的挫折感發泄在你身上。話雖如此
，但20美元的半品脫的伏特加就等於在酒吧消費價值100美元的飲料。

＃ 1不買沒用的

如ru果guo你ni是shi一yi個ge女nv人ren
，你ni的de家jia最zui近jin沒mei有you被bei水shui災zai，火huo災zai或huo其qi他ta自zi然ran災zai害hai摧cui毀hui
，在zai不bu了le解jie你ni的de生sheng活huo的de情qing況kuang下xia，至zhi少shao有you一yi件jian事shi我wo們men可ke以yi對dui你ni發fa表biao意yi見jian
，並bing且qie可ke以yi肯ken定ding它ta完wan全quan毫hao無wu疑yi義yi是shi事shi實shi：你已經有足夠的鞋。不要再買了。把“鞋”換成“帽子”
，這句話對男人來說也是適用的。