The New Year, Chinese or otherwise, has now passed. The parties, and any hangovers, are long gone. Unfortunately, for many of you, your New Year’s resolutions are only memories. The gym bag sits forlorn in the corner, the bean sprouts wilt in your fridge. Your intentions were good, I know. You resolved to get into a new exercising habit, eat better, spend more time at work, spend more time with the family, or volunteer for a local charity. Or maybe all of the above (Yikes!)

To those of you who are sticking to your New Year’s resolutions I say CONGRATULATIONS! Don’t be too smug. For those of you who have not, I say CONGRATULATIONS!

Why would I congratulate people who haven’t stuck to their resolutions? Simple. They MADE resolutions. Deciding to change yourself, really committing to be a better person in some way, is not a decision arrived at easily. The fact that you decided to change yourself means that you’ve taken stock of yourself. You’ve reflected. You haven’t let the powerful forces of rationalization prevent you from committing to self-change.

“But,” you say, “I failed. That’s terrible isn’t it? It’s so depressing. Why even bother trying if it’s so hard?”

I have news for you: You are not perfect. You are not all-powerful. Self-change is hard, so it’s not terribly surprising that you didn’t get it right the first try. So, stop feeling so bad. It’s like when someone gets thrown from a horse. What do the horsie-types say? You’re supposed to get up, brush the dust off, and get back on that horse! That’s what you need to do right now.

Follow these steps:

1. Tell yourself, “It’s okay.I failed, but there’s nothing new in that.” Think of all of the other times you’ve failed. Re-read Leo’s post on how great failure can be [link to that post]. Don’t let the powers of rationalization take you further, though. Don’t give into the thought: “It’s okay. I don’t need to be better. It wasn’t all that important anyway.” Ask yourself this: If changing yourself wasn’t so important, then why did you decide to do it in the first place?

2. Congratulate yourself for wanting to be better.As a social psychologist, I know how extremely easy it is for people to excuse themselves their shortcomings. Your decision to be better takes moral courage.

3. Figure out what went wrong.Were you too ambitious? Was your plan too vague?

4. Form a plan that is informed by your failure.If you didn’t get to the gym because you slept in, plan to go to bed earlier. If you ate the wrong foods because you found preparing healthy food too time-consuming, find ways to make it less time consuming. If you stayed too late at work (again and again), schedule events with the family earlier in the evening.

5. Get going!

xinnian
，chunjiehuozheqitashenmeyiniandulaihengliangdejieridouyijingguoqule。juhui，xiuzuiyezaoyijingyanxiaoyunsan。danbuxingdeshi，duiyudaduoshurenlaijiang，weixindeyinianerzuodejihuayeyijingchengweijiyilideguoqushile。yundongfuhaizhengqifangzaiyiguidejiaoluoli，jianfeicanyebinglengdechenliezaibingxiangli。nideyuanwangshimeihaode，wonenglijie。nixiwangzaixindeyiniannipeiyangzijiyundongdexiguan，kaishijiankangdeyinshi，gengnulidegongzuo，genjiarenfenxianggengduodeshijian
，huozhecanjiacishanyigong。huozheshenzhinixiangzuoshangmianshuodesuoyoushiqing。

對你們中那些在新年裏堅持按照你們的計劃行動的人，我要祝賀你“你做到了！”。但千萬不要太沾沾自喜。同樣對於你們中那些沒有做到的，我也要祝賀你們！

為(wei)什(shen)麼(me)我(wo)要(yao)祝(zhu)賀(he)那(na)些(xie)沒(mei)有(you)實(shi)踐(jian)自(zi)己(ji)計(ji)劃(hua)的(de)人(ren)？原(yuan)因(yin)很(hen)簡(jian)單(dan)。他(ta)們(men)已(yi)經(jing)開(kai)始(shi)計(ji)劃(hua)了(le)。已(yi)經(jing)決(jue)定(ding)作(zuo)出(chu)改(gai)變(bian)
，已(yi)經(jing)為(wei)了(le)讓(rang)自(zi)己(ji)在(zai)某(mou)方(fang)麵(mian)做(zuo)的(de)更(geng)好(hao)而(er)自(zi)我(wo)承(cheng)諾(nuo)了(le)，這(zhe)不(bu) 是一個 很(hen)容(rong)易(yi)就(jiu)能(neng)下(xia)定(ding)的(de)決(jue)心(xin)。事(shi)實(shi)上(shang)當(dang)你(ni)決(jue)定(ding)作(zuo)出(chu)改(gai)變(bian)的(de)時(shi)候(hou)就(jiu)證(zheng)明(ming)你(ni)已(yi)經(jing)檢(jian)視(shi)過(guo)自(zi)己(ji)。已(yi)經(jing)自(zi)我(wo)反(fan)省(sheng)了(le)。你(ni)沒(mei)有(you)讓(rang)那(na)種(zhong)自(zi)我(wo)安(an)慰(wei)的(de)力(li)量(liang)去(qu)阻(zu)止(zhi)你(ni)改(gai)變(bian)自(zi)己(ji)。

但也許你會說，“我失敗了
，這很糟糕對麼
？這個結果非常令人沮喪。如果這個過程這麼痛苦為什麼我還要費力去嚐試
？”

有些事情我想讓你知道：人ren是shi不bu完wan美mei的de。你ni不bu是shi全quan能neng的de。自zi我wo改gai變bian是shi個ge很hen艱jian難nan的de過guo程cheng，所suo以yi初chu次ci嚐chang試shi的de失shi敗bai結jie果guo並bing不bu出chu人ren意yi料liao。所suo以yi，不bu要yao再zai雪xue上shang加jia霜shuang讓rang自zi己ji感gan覺jiao更geng糟zao糕gao。就jiu像xiang一yi個ge人ren從cong馬ma背bei上shang被bei甩shuai下xia來lai一yi樣yang，如ru果guo是shi個ge堅jian強qiang的de騎qi手shou會hui怎zen麼me做zuo？他ta會hui站zhan起qi身shen來lai，撣dan撣dan灰hui塵chen，然ran後hou重zhong新xin騎qi上shang馬ma背bei！你現在也需要做同樣的事情。

按照下麵的方法：

1.告訴你自己“沒什麼。我失敗了

，但這很正常。” 想想以前你失敗的經驗。不要讓那種自我安慰的力量影響你。不要想著：“那沒什麼，我不需要這樣折磨自己。這樣的改變也沒什麼大不了的。”應該問自己：如果自己的計劃沒有那麼重要，那為什麼一開始的時候還要下定決心做這件事情？

2.為(wei)自(zi)己(ji)想(xiang)要(yao)改(gai)變(bian)的(de)願(yuan)望(wang)而(er)高(gao)興(xing)。作(zuo)為(wei)一(yi)個(ge)社(she)會(hui)心(xin)理(li)學(xue)者(zhe)，我(wo)知(zhi)道(dao)人(ren)們(men)為(wei)自(zi)己(ji)的(de)缺(que)點(dian)開(kai)脫(tuo)是(shi)一(yi)件(jian)多(duo)麼(me)容(rong)易(yi)的(de)事(shi)情(qing)。想(xiang)要(yao)讓(rang)自(zi)己(ji)變(bian)得(de)更(geng)好(hao)本(ben)身(shen)就(jiu)需(xu)要(yao)極(ji)大(da)的(de)勇(yong)氣(qi)。

3.了解到底是哪裏出了問題.有沒有做不切實際的計劃？還是計劃的細節太模糊籠統了
？

4.congshibaidejichushangxiugainidejihua。ruguoyinweishuilanjiaoerdanwulequjianshenfang，najiuzaixinjihualirangzijizaoshuiyihuier。ruguojiaodezuzhinidejiankangyinshijihuashiyinweixuyaotaiduoshijianzhunbeishiwu，najiuxiangbanfasuoduanzhunbeideshijian。ruguozongshigongzuodaohenwan

，najiubahejiarendejuhuifangzaiyigeshaozaodeshijianli。

5.繼續前進！